New Year New Me: The Typical New Year Blog Post

New Year's Resolutions.. I used to despise them. I used to be so gung-ho about them. Now I'm indifferent. I don't hate them, but I'm not all about them either.

In the past few year, I've gone back to making them. Do I stick with them fully? No. But I like to have goals set to make myself better, to experience more, to live more fully. Some years, I've done the typical list of x amount of things to accomplish in 365 days. Other years, I've simply taken one word and have done whatever I can to implement that word into my daily life. Each way stretches me in new ways.

This year I've done both (you'll start to learn that I tend to overachieve on a lot of things).

My word for the year is trust. Don't ask me why (because I'm still trying to uncover it), but I have a really hard time trusting people. That doesn't mean I don't like people (I'm an extrovert so you know that's not the case) or that I don't have friends. I've experienced a lot of disapproval for things I cannot control and rejection. A great deal of doubt has stemmed from that. I care a lot about what people think (sometimes to a fault) and if a person in one relationship disapproves or rejects of part of me, I unconsciously carry that into other relationships- holding people at arms length until I feel safe. Sometimes that takes awhile, and sometimes safety never happens. I need to trust people. This distrust comes in my relationship with people and then carries over into my relationship with Jesus. Each time I think I trust Him and everything is "under control", my humanity sets in and I try to do things on my own-- which never ends up well.

My list for the year:

1. Read one book per week every week.

For some people, this might seem like a relatively easy task. I, however, am very much an extrovert AND a 7 on the Enneagram (also if you haven't taken the Enneagram you should). So I like to be on-the-go all the time and collecting all the experiences possible and meeting all the people possible. This is not a fault, it's just how I'm wired. So to sit down and read books LITERALLY MIGHT KILL ME. But I also want to have ALL OF THE KNOWLEDGE so here I go-- reading all them books.

2. Be more intentional.

Another thing you'll probably discover about me is that I love being connected to people. Ministry means meeting a lot of new people and social media is the best way to keep up with them. Over the years, I've let it somewhat consume my life (to the point where my friends would say something and immediately say "don't tweet that). I've gotten so much better since those days; but, I realize that because I have such a following on social platforms, I tend to drift there instead of being invested in what's right in front of me. I also just moved to a new town in September and (obviously) making friends in the adult world is not the same as it is in college where your friends are across the hall at a moment's notice. Intentionality. Yup.

3. Heal.

Really vague, right? Kinda. Before coming to where I am now, I was involved in some traumatic events in relation to my job. I was fearful of so many things that resulted in multiple anxiety attacks within short periods of time and lots of other health issues stemmed from it (finally catching up with me in the beginning of November that cause me to spend almost a week in the hospital). So my resolution to heal is one that is very needed. I need to heal on all levels-- physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Thank God I am removed from that situation on all accounts and have the means necessary to heal. Leadership is not easy. Church leadership is extremely difficult; and, even though my trauma has to deal with that I still believe in the goodness of the Church.

4. Try New Things.

I like adventure (if that wasn't already abundantly clear). But when I'm not at my healthiest, I want to stay home. NOT ANYMORE. This year, I'm forcing myself to try new things-- literally anything that I haven't done before. I'm grabbing life by the horns (as the old Dodge Ram truck commercials say) and I'm going to be brave. I'm real excited about it (somewhat sarcastic, somewhat realistic).

What are your goals for 2018?